Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
don't judge my taste in strippers
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
