i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
not ubering you a puppy
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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