Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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