Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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