Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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