dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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