Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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