Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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