My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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