apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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