We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
