You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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