All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
