She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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