come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
