Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
