Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
