PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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