i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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