mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
