Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
