Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
