I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
