I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
