Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
