The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
