she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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