we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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