i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
pop tarts are not kleenex
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
