I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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