So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
