I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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