Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
