in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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