I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
