My hand turned me down
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
