If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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