i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
