Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize