plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
