**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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