i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Mom said you looked used
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
