do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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