textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
