I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
