I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
