my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
