she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
