he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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