I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
