I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
