so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
