I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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