My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
