Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
