you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He better not be in your backpack
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
