Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
