I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
