The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
