I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
