Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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