Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
