you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
